Day 29 And 30.

SO, sorry these two are together, yesterday was a whole lot of nothing day, and I ended up falling asleep before I would normally blog!

Like I say, day 29 was a nothing day, I went for a run, did a lot of tidying, which felt incredibly good, and got a takeaway pizza for dinner. Not really exciting at all!

Today was similar, went to town to do shopping, after the long walk there, I decided I wasn’t really in the mood. Cigarettes seemed to smell quite strong today, and I think I may of had a dream about smoking again last night, not really vivid, but it sort of jolted me this afternoon when I remembered.

Still smoke free, tomorrow is a whole month, let’s hope this will look so small an achievement in the next months to come!

Andy

Day 28

I'll start day 28 where 27 left off.

So I wake up, slightly confused as to why I am asleep in my car, I wake up at 5AM, (my car was outside my work place) And I need to get home, So I get the train home, feeling surprisingly good, then go back to bed for an hour, wake up feeling AWFUL, then get showered etc and get the train back to work. Work, needless to say, was awful, I looked like shit and felt like shit, and the day dragged. I had an upset stomach, sore head and no motivation. There was one part where I thought about smoking, but that was probably due to the hangover, smoking was a big thing for me on a hangover, I hated it, but smoked more? Odd, I know,

Either way, it was a passing moment; I got home okay, and went straight to bed!

4 weeks have passed! I feel I have done well, I just hope I don’t drink too much next time I go out!

Andy

Day 27

Hi, sorry the next two posts are both late... the following will explain why!

So, Thursday, "big night out" after work. Work was fine, I was undecided whether I was going to stay out for a few drinks, or just go home after one. After work I went over to the bar, and decided to see what the vibe was like. Ultimately it was okay, and I decided to stay out and have a few drinks, and catch the train home.. At least that was the plan. I ended up (and I’m not quite sure how) getting so drunk I lost most of my self control. I ended up doing lots of stuff I really shouldn’t have done. I joined in with the night entertainment, a singer on stage; I just helped myself and decided to sing next to him. I then danced like a moron for ages. Then when everyone was leaving I walked to the train station with a friend, realising at this point I was 50 minutes late for the last train. Great. I then went on to do all sorts of odd things, like getting on a freight train demanding they take me home, ordering a taxi but refusing the ride as the fare was too high, phoning most people in my phonebook, then failing so went and slept in my car. Yes. My Car.

Most of these events are not memories, they are what I have been told I was doing, I literally have a mental block. However, one thing I am 100% sure on is that I didn’t smoke! After being with smoker, drinking to oblivion and having no self control, I still didn’t smoke!

I am proud of that, if nothing else...!

Day 26

Another day, and How I must say it is now becoming routine. I can almost say I am used to not smoking, not that I don’t miss it, because I do, but I am used to not actually having a smoke. Odd, or at least, I think I am... we shall see tomorrow, as tomorrow is the first "Big night out". A guy is leaving his job in the office, and I am out for his leaving do, so drinks will be a plenty, and plenty of them smoke, If they are decent, they won’t try and persuade me, if they aren’t, then they will keep offering, trying to make me fail. Sadly, I think the latter is more likely, and if this is the case I will take great pleasure in sticking two fingers up at all of them!

So, work was the norm, home was the norm, and tomorrow is the test!

Hope you are all still getting on well!

Andy

Day 25

The month Milestone is within reaching distance, and I’m looking forward to being able to saying it, as after the first week, and before the first month it seems a bit of a gap of nothingness in achievements. Obviously after a month, it will be 2 months, so an even longer wait, although I feel once I have done a month, I won’t be so milestone hungry!

Today was fairly easy, again, no real urges. Work was hectic, I went for a run when I got home, then cooked dinner before some TV and now this. One thing I am noticing is my sense of smell isn’t improving, some people said it would improve like it was a sense you never knew you had. Nu-uh, not for me. I am, in fact, having more dental trouble, and seem to be having more blocked nose etc than when I was smoking. This is in no way a deterrent for me stopping, just an update on how I feel. I do feel ever so slightly better at the moment, not amazing, but looking back, I am slowly beginning to see smoking as just a part of my life that is over, and looking forward I think I may really notice the benefits in the near future. 

Lori, you say you have put weight on in yesterdays comment, I haven’t noticed any weight gain, but rarely weigh myself. I shall try to do so and see roughly how I am to how I was at the end of last year. In relation to your comment, go out, get some exercise perhaps? I mean being a tad tubbier is much healthier than smoking anyway, and 6 pounds I can imagine being impossible to notice! They do say in the first month it is common, but again, I’d rather be larger and smoke free than a skinny, unfit, unhealthy, smelly drug addict. Which is now what I see I really was.

I did forget to mention the other day as well, When I saw an old friend they commented also on how well I looked, which is another great boost for me. I remember a few instances in my life whereby I’ve been shocked to realise peoples age, thinking they were older than they actually were, due to a life of smoking. One guy, and I hope for his sake he doesn’t ever read this, who I work with, told me the other day he was under 50, and I must of looked damn well surprised. I know the guy smokes, and I don’t know what else he gets up to in his personal life, but wow, I thought he was mid 50's at least. I understand there is an aging process whereby not everyone will age as well as each other, but I’m sure his life of tobacco has been of great detriment to him, and now looking at this, I am happy I have stopped now, before it really is too late, before I age like others, and before I become so in denial about it I actually think I look good for a person of that age, even though others would snigger at me behind my back.

All the best guys!

Andy

Day 24

Day 24, short and sweet. It was monday, I hate mondays. Busy, Frantic, Stressful and i have a face full of spots to go along with how i feel!

Didnt feel that great today, but cant really remember a huge urge to smoke at all today, the desires are becoming sparce, and i think my brain may be admitting defeat! Or racking up the next big plan...!


Just came home, cooked dinner and played computer games tonight, will go for the run tomorrow!

Andy

Day 23

Hello! And what a great day I had today!

Went very well, met up with the date, had a great time. I can safely say today I have had no more than 2 episodes of wanting to smoke. Thats good, and I hope they get less intense, and even further apart.


the date was great, although the hour journey to get there and back was a bit of a trek, but the company totally made up for it! Hopefully will see her again, but we shall see :)
I also went for a run today, but only a little one, but the route I normally run is getting marginally easier, so perhaps in a week or so, il start going slightly further.

Back to work tomorrow... :(

Andy

Day 22

Well hello!

Day 22 is over and done with. Really unsure why, but about 3 hours ago i was going nuts craving for a smoke. No reasoning really, not doing anything different, just really craved one. Im pretty sure it was all psychological, but i ended up going out and doing some food shopping to take my mind off it, and it worked.

I hope i dont get any or many more times like that, I feel if i was in a slightly weaker mindset i would of caved, and what a waste of 22 says that would of been!

Ive taken a risk and agreed to go out on a date with the person who stitched me up last week, hopefully tomorrow produces better results..!

Andy

Day 21

Again, a little late on day 21, sorry for that!

I made the three week mark! I cant believe it! pretty happy about that. Work was average today, and boring, I went out with a friend last night, had a few drinks, did fancy a smoke on a few occasions, but obviously didnt touch one. Ive spoken to a few people lately who say, "oh, I gave up and then after 2 months i started again" that worries me a bit, I mean, they really cant be dedicated to it surely? I hope after 2 months for me il feel im really slipping out of the habit?

We shall see!

Il update again later

Andy

Day 20

Another day, another milestone, 20 days, and tomorrow is 3 weeks!

I woke up this morning, with power! wehey! Something very odd happened in the night, I had a dream, very vivid, that I had a cigarette, most probably as I wrote this blog before I fell asleep! but it was actually more of a nightmare. I woke up feeling horrifically let down and disappointed in myself, before realising it was a dream and I has nothing to worry about. Very odd feeling though.

One guy at work who I had to go out with today was a smoker, and offered me a smoke in his car on the way, I thought the guy was a bit of a cunt to be honest in offering, as I had told him 2 or 3 times I had given up, he either was forgetful, or just wanted to be a cunt, but either way, I took great pleasure in rejecting the offer. I felt almost superior, which was good.

Work was average, Home was normal, no run tonight, couldn't be arsed! and tomorrow I am out with a friend and perhaps Sunday too, so pretty happy I have things to keep me occupied!

I have had few comments as of late, I hope all who were joining me haven't failed me, and are still reading and smoke free themselves?

Speak soon

Andy

Day 19

Sorry for a very late day 18!

Day 19 is here on time :) and what a bitch it started out to be! So I woke up this morning to no power in my flat, I have one window, and it isn’t in my bathroom, so I had to shower in the dark, get ready in the dark, and just sort of hope for the best that I didn’t look too bad. It took me about 3 times as long to get ready in the dark compared to a normal day, and it wasn’t stress free as I’m sure you can imagine. After realising I was running quite late for work, I stampeded out the door, down the stairs, to find a nice coating of frost all over the car. Great, the one day I’m running late, it has to be the morning 5+ minutes will be added on for defrosting the car. So, midway through defrosting, a woman comes up to me and says, "I wouldn’t hurry". I looked at her, and she must of decided to continue from the baffled puzzled look on my face, “The electric failure has knocked the car park barrier out". I couldn’t believe what I had heard, I went and checked, and she was totally correct, the power failure had killed the car park barrier, which couldn’t be manually lifted either. Great. I mean seriously, what the fuck would happen if an ambulance or fire engine needed to come in such a situation. So, I phone the management firm, (manager’s mobile) to be told he is on leave, and can’t help me. I informed him after he had so casually said he was on leave, that I will be sawing the barrier off in which case, to which he said I wasn’t allowed. After suggesting that he come stop me, but oh no, wait he couldn’t, as he was on oh so precious annual leave, he said he would come out shortly. Funnily enough, about 10 minutes later, the power kicked back in, the barrier lifted and I was on my way.

The aggro that caused this morning I think I can safely say was the biggest test yet (after dinner with mum). And I still managed to not smoke. I was angry, very angry in fact. But didn’t feel like a smoke would make it any better, nor did I even think about having one. Pretty impressive I thought!

Work was average, I went for a run when I got in, eat pizza for dinner, and am about to retire to bed after typing this.

I feel days like today are actually good to reflect on, and I feel after the stress of the day, I am impressed I didn’t want to smoke at all :)

Speak soon.

Andy

Day 18

Sorry its late!
Day flew by, and i didnt get back until late, hence not updating last night.

Day at work was okay, and I didnt feel too bad throughout, I then went to see my mum after work for dinner, which was bearbale.

the drive home from there is a fair distance (45 miles) and I did think once or twice I do miss the smoking whilst driving long distances, but again, I hope that passes in time.

Other than that, was pretty boring, though I do have a much more in depth update to offer tonight, today started with THE worst morning ever.

Speak soon!

Andy

Day 17

I found today flew by, but it still wasn’t easy.

 Today was extremely busy at work, and I found myself unable to stop except for a very brief lunch break. I was pretty stressed today, and found myself talking more about stopping smoking, and how I am doing etc. I’m not sure if that’s why I found today hard or not really, but it was hard. I’m now beginning to worry, my mindset seems to be slipping into a belief that I only have to keep this up for a length of time; however that length is undefined. I don’t feel like I need to go back to smoking, but at the same time I feel I could, so so easily. Ultimately, I’m hoping to very soon feel like I don’t fancy one, or want one, but at times these feelings now are getting worse than they are better.

After a meeting at work today I walked out the building with someone, and up the road, who lit up as we did so, The odd thing is, that didn’t bother me so much, I did enjoy the smell, but have always found the smell to be nicer than the taste, he did offer me one as he lit up, and it did feel moderately good saying "No thanks, I’ve stopped" but not "Amazing"

I seem to have mixed feelings about it all at different times throughout the day. I often look at people, and convince myself what an odd ritual it is, putting a round object in their mouths, only to suffocate yourself, and pay for the privilege of doing so. It’s easy to say it, and think it, but believing it is hard, at times I do, but I think at the moment it’s too early for me to look back and think "I can’t believe I ever did that".

I think I may also be feeling a little depressed today, unsure why but hopefully it shall pass.

I did manage to go for a run this evening, pretty short run, but I figure when that route gets too easy, Il move onto a larger one.

Hope all is well for all readers.

Andy

Day 16

Well, today was totally ballsed up, I got woken up early by a text message from the Mother, she has a really nasty habit of doing that. And the date never happened. Ultimately, this did make me slightly depressed, but once again, I didnt consider smoking as an option, which is a good thing.
To summarise with the date thing, the Girl decided to go and get drunk Last night, and text me just as I was about to leave to see here, and tell me she was "Still drunk". Great impression for someone who is taking you on a first dat? I think not, So, to put her in her place, I simply said, "Okay, lets just forget it then" I had a few messages back, nothing exciting and mostly grovel, but If she lets me down now, imagine what she would do if i started actually seeing her! so she is crossed off the list! So, I sat round and did bugger all today, other than cleaning etc. It didnt bother me too much, The weekend still managed to fly by, and now its back to work tomorrow, a day which im not looking forward to.

See you tomorrow.

A

Day 15

Half a month cleared. I’m beginning to try and look on a larger scale, as you can see!

So today wasn’t too bad. I did walk into town, and have noticed that a few days after I quit, cigarette smoke smelt incredibly strong, it was almost like I could smell it from a mile away, but now it seems to be just a passing aroma. I think that’s probably due to the fact the first few days your brain is tricking you into having one, whereas now that addiction part has passed.

I bought a starbucks earlier, just whilst I was in town, and as I was sat drinking it, a woman decided to practically sit on top of me whilst breast feeding her child. This has nothing to do with smoking, but I found it funny and thought I would type it here. She literally didn’t seem to care that I was sat there, but I must say I was a little uncomfortable about it, looking back now, a good few hours later, it all seems quite funny. Maybe if it was someone I thought was attractive I may have been a lot more interested!

I also bought some shorts today, so I could go running. When I got home, I decided to go for my first run, I won’t lie, I hated it. It showed me how incredibly unfit I am, and how I need to change that. I also got a lot of aches and pains, which if I keep this up, I’m sure I can expect for the next week or so while I get used to it. I got very hot, and ended up walking quickly for most of my planned route, but that has given me something else to work towards now, in a few weeks, maybe a month or two perhaps, I want to be able to easily run that route. When I am able to do that, I will feel like I have achieved something great.

I hope everyone else is still smoke free, and enjoying my updates!

Date tomorrow! Actually a little bit excited now :)

Bye for now!

Andy

Day 14

Two Whole Weeks!!!! Why does it feel like a lifetime!? It feels like an eternity ago I started the blog, and I think that may be due to the whole unproven time distortion of nicotine withdrawal, I’m not sure?

Either way, again, a few urges here and there to smoke today, nothing too major or worth worrying about, I didn’t cave at all. I do worry that is some major stressful event was to occur right now, I may fail, I mean, with what I have coped with during this week, I feel I could cope with a lot, I just don’t want to resort to cigarettes in any given situation, and that is a fear of mine.

I told a team of people I used to work with today, about stopping, this team of people were health workers, promoting the Give up smoking service run by the NHS.... needless to say, it felt bloody good telling them, and they were pretty impressed too I think.

The comment on yesterdays post really did touch me, I’m so happy people are getting something out of this, And to have people reading this first thing in the morning shows how much of a kinder world we live in than I may have thought before starting this. Perhaps its slowly being freed from nicotine that gives me more optimism, I’m not sure?

Anyway, this evening I kept it quiet, had a Honey Beer (first try of the stuff, clearly a sucker for advertising, it tastes EXACTLY the same as normal beer, except I’m the mug that paid a quid extra for the privilege of finding that out) and I also did a private bit of work I sourced from my day job, just simple data recovery, easy money, and most people are really happy to get files back when they thought they had gone forever, so it’s a win win, and someone’s happy face to see on Monday morning.

Not much planned for tomorrow, probably a long walk, bit of a tidy up and an early night as I have a date on Sunday, not one I’m being too optimistic about, as I don’t want to feel disappointed if it isn’t right!

Once again, thank you all so much for the encouragement, and a big hello to my fellow followers in Alabama, you really have put a smile on a child’s face today J

Day 13

Tomorrow is 2 weeks!!! I can’t believe how well I am adapting now, I still get the odd movement of thinking "I'll just nip out for...., oh yeah" then realising, I don’t do that anymore, but other than those I am coping pretty well. I still look for the benefits online etc, to see what is happening to my body etc as I go through the motions. I have decided I think I may need to start going to the gym, not to lose weight, but perhaps to maintain. I have noticed an increased appetite, but that is somewhat a good thing. I never used to eat breakfast, now I am eating it every day, I never used to have much hunger at lunch, but now I do, so I think it’s good, but exercise will seal the deal there.

Another very stressful day at work, but I do find I’m coping slightly better than I used to, but only marginally.

Hope all are still doing as well!

See you on the 2 week mark

Andy

Day 12

Well, Hello! Day 12 is over and done, and Im starting to become rather proud. It still isnt easy, and I doubt it ever will be, but as long as it gets easier than it has been, Il be happy, today at work was a tad more productive, with Printer firm sorting thier act out (ultimately, a feeling of power for me when it transpired i had "won")

So with regards to my cravings, I still have a blocked nose, but can faintly smell smoke when walking outside past someone who is smoking, it seems to not bother me, but there are still times of day I fancy one, IE after lunch, or most especially, at the end of the work day, that one is a real killer! Im not substituting now, I think overall I actually seem more calm, and noone has noticed a "craving" attitude about me, so i must be hiding it well.

All in all, I think this is probably getting boring and repetitive for most at the moment, I hope more exciting things begin to occur, to keep you all entertained. I will still continue to blog, until I can safely say I have stopped, I have no idea when this will be, I would imagine around the 6 month mark.

I feel i could say it now, But even i know this would be totally premature! It is getting easier, defiantely, but just certain times are hard to deal with. Lets hope it fades over time, I hope all followers and commenters who have also quit, are keeping up the tar free practice, good luck to all.

Andy

Day fu***ng 11

Well, I’m sure the title says it all, today was not a good day, smoke free, but only by the skin of my teeth.

I woke up in a relatively okay mood, very tired from the beer and the late night before hand, but things could have been worse, I ended up leaving late for work, getting to work late, but that isn’t really an issue.

The morning started off pretty hectic, as expected. Due to my sickness I would imagine I will be catching up with myself for at least a week. Mid morning I got a lovely message from a friend who I used to live with about 2 years ago, saying we never paid a bill, and we owe them XXX amount, about £200. This was not the happiest of news to me, and stressed me out quite a lot, although I have the money, I don’t like parting with it! Needless to say, I will end up paying it, but we have to get hold of the third person who lived with us to cough up too. This is the unlikely part. So that stressed me.

Later in the day, I also had a run in with a guy who works for a printing firm. I hope he reads this, and I hope he realises what a total areshole he is. Basically to cut a long story short, he sent engineers out to repair a printer within the building last week, the day after, the printers broke, then the warranty ran out, and he is claiming no liability. I went mad at him eventually over the phone, due to his "I don’t give a shit" attitude, spent about an hour getting everyone’s attention in the office from my raised voice on the phone, and eventually gave up.

I did, however, get a result when his manager phoned back and honoured a free repair, it’s just a shame I had to trudge through hell to get there.

Still, I finished over an hour late, and pretty much had dinner and am now updating. The nerds/morons/fucktards at Wikipedia have finally blocked my site being posted anywhere on wikipedia, so it’s a shame that episode has ended; still, I hope I’ve built a small base of followers in the short time it’s been on there.

Let’s hope day 12 is less of a burden, and that I am not tempted just to scream at the top of my voice.

Take care all.

Andy

Day 10

Hey! Just about made it to post in time for day 10! I have 40 minutes left here in the UK. Not bad!

Okay two of the alleged "biggest relapse" points have been beaten by me today! I worked a whole day and didn’t smoke, and as I write this, I am moderately under the influence of a beer or perhaps 5! And I haven’t smoked!! Boy it was tough, to tell the truth if I had been presented with the opportunity, I may have failed, but I didn't! So, work was okay, as usual I had to deal with the incompetence and lack of common sense of others, which is almost part of my job (IT).  I did find certain times I missed having my normal smoke, but not to the point of flipping out, or biting anyone’s head off. When mentioning to people I am stopping, they are all instant experts on withdrawal, and have degrees in cessation. One person today told me I should perhaps use patches. On day 10!? I think not!! I just enjoy listening to others theory's like that now, knowing I won’t pay attention to it, but also chuckling at their lack of knowledge of how I feel. Maybe it was different for them, I don’t know!

Still, after work I had planned to see the old man (a rare occurrence, currently, and for all of my life) so went out and had a meal, followed by several beers in a bar. Normally on a night like that my dad will smoke a cigar while I have a Cig, tonight he didn’t, so Kudos to him for that, however his idea was if I really got desperately crazy at an ultimate last resort I should smoke a cigar and not take it back, again, this theory was acknowledged as the one above, I say acknowledged, perhaps disregarded is a better choice of wording!

One thing, I should have mentioned earlier, and could rectify through copy/paste, but am too tired/intoxicated to do so, was that something amazing happened at work today. Truly amazing.

I am still ill, and this is obvious through my voice, but two people said, and I quote "although you sound bad you look really really well". If I needed a lift, an incentive, a compliment to get me through the day; that was it. It made me feel fantastic, and I assume it is from the not smoking, as she implied I looked healthier than she had seen me. I was truly honoured, amazed and flattered, and feel that it has almost paid off! However, I’m worried after a lack of sleep and the beer tonight, I may not look like a shining beacon of health tomorrow...., we shall see!

Also My Dad said they say if you can stop any habit for 21 days you have conquered it, so that’s my next challenge, and I have just 11 days to reach that.

Tomorrows blog will be earlier, more sober and perhaps more detailed.

Once again guys, thanks for all your supportive comments, help and messages of support. To all of you also quitting with me, let’s damn well do this, and show all the bastards who never believed in us otherwise, and feel better and healthier in the process, it’s a no brainer!!

See you all on day 11, Peace, and sombre intoxicated apologies.

Andy  

PS. Thank god for spell check, 200 errors later, and we are clean J

Day 9

Hey! Day 9 is upon me, and nearly over.

Today I did a lot of tidying and washing, as I wasnt doing a huge deal of it whilst i was ill! It was odd actually, I used to have routine breaks of smoking when i did the laundry, but today, I had no smoking breaks, nor did it bother me too much. I am feeling a little more craving towards one now, since I am better, but i think the worst of it was over, conveniently whilst i was ill and didnt notice it.

Tomorrow is test day, I will be back at work tomorrow first thing in the morning, If i can last this week at work without having one, I will be able to last forever, Im sure of it.

Thanks for Reading, Im sure tomorrow will be far more eventful, and I will have plenty to bitch and moan about after returning to work, so look out for an exciting post tomorrow!

Andy

Day 8

1 week complete. Awesome.

How do I feel for it, well, I do actually feel a bit better today anyway, still minor flu symptoms, but not enough to stop me getting up and going out for a really long walk today. I didn’t really check in on time much today, but after I got back from my walk, I was quite surprised to see it was 16:00, I had walked for hours, and felt great for it. I walked into town as part of the walk, and smelt a few people having ciggies, and I didn’t envy them one little bit, which I think is a fantastic sign, I also saw a sign in a pharmacy I looked round in. Stating "If you stop smoking for 1 week, you are 9 times more likely to quit altogether" Again, great news, not that I am doing this based upon statistics, but it’s nice to know.

The rest of the day has actually been nerdsday, My PC at home has been swapped about and messed around with (by myself) for A very long time, so I decided to remove lots of duplicate files I knew were lurking (i.e. duplicate copies of MP3's etc.) I left this running whilst I was out walking, and I’m still sorting it now! (To bore with a brief stat, I found over 200GB worth of duplicates, oh dear!)

 Something strikes me as odd really, I don’t think if I smoked I would have done this, but I also don’t think I did it to not smoke or take my mind off of it.

 I did think to myself, I already feel better for not smoking, the walks, the actively doing things, my mind frame, all seems slightly better.. not that there was anything wrong with it before, but it seems almost like it’s had some fine tuning, and, dare I say it, I have had times of being happy today. I felt more my age, less depressed (I do occasionally dwell and self pity) and just felt slightly higher than normal today. This could well be due to recovering from the illness, so I’m not going to say it’s all from not smoking, but it is great.

So, let’s hope I don’t jinx it like last week, but just tomorrow to go then it’s back to work. I’m sure now I’ll cope perfectly, but that remains to be seen.

Thanks for reading again, if you are. You are what makes this all worthwhile.

Andy 

Day 7.

Hello, so, if I make it through the rest of the day, I have nailed it for a whole week!

Possibly due to the illness, or being off work, this week has seemed like an eternity, I hope the only reason it doesn’t seem long, was due to the fact it wasn’t a cigarette filled week.

I am feeling marginally better now, I wasn’t this morning, so I opted to not go to work again, but as the day has progressed, I have started perking up a bit now. The only downside, the memory of smoking.

A few times today, maybe only two or three, I have had to stop mid thought-flow and remind myself I don’t smoke. The latest time was about 5 minutes ago. I just cooked myself some dinner, ate it infront of the TV,  washed up then thought "right, cigarette" This was not a craving, more of a habitual process I think. I just stopped, said to myself, "no, you don’t do that anymore" then came to update my blog. Like I said, happened a few times, at that point I don’t feel that I NEED a smoke, I just think I Miss it a bit, and obviously that was one of those times where I used to have a smoke. Any benefits I should be feeling by now are probably yet to come, as the flu has a tendency to make me not "feel great" or notice improved breathing! I now have the weekend to relax, and then I’m pretty sure I will be back to work on Monday, and if I make it that long, (pretty sure I will) the real test will begin, the dreaded return to routine. I’m still happy with what I have managed to achieve now though, I have a feeling the weekend may be a struggle. I’m now going to go for a long walk I think, to take my mind off smokes, get exercise, and because I feel a bit better.

Thanks for reading all, I hope tomorrow I will be feeling great and smoke free too!

Day 6

Hello to all still reading, day 6 is now upon us, and guess what!!!!

I still feel like shit! But, I am also still not smoking, and it still hasn’t crossed my mind due to how I have been feeling, sorry the past two days are a bit of a repeat, but when you are ill, there really is little to report, unless you get off hearing about things I’m not willing to share!

Anyways, I’m still blocked up, coughing, and flu like, but am feeling better today than I did yesterday, but still not my normal self at all, not even close. The Turd Burglars at wikipedia have blocked me from reposting my link, so if you normally found the page through that, you will notice it is now missing, as wikipedia is moderated by circus freaks.

I do really hope I will start to pick up a bit tomorrow, just so I have more interesting things to write here, but as said before, the longer I feel like this, the longer smoking isn’t even an option.

Regardless of the illness making it easy, I’m still pretty impressed with what I have achieved, and to think tomorrow it is one week! Wow, never thought it would be so easy!

Catch up soon, thanks for following..

Andy

Day 5

So, if I was ill yesterday, then today I really have no idea what I am. I seem to be getting a hell of a lot worse, and am now beginning to think I do have genuine Flu, and only the cough I have is from the stopping of smoking. I didn’t drink any beer last night, or do anything exciting for that matter, and today I intend on spending the whole day in bed, other than this post. I still haven't smoked, but feeling the way I do I don’t think I ever would have smoked feeling like this anyway, so the longer this goes on, hopefully the easier it will be when I pull through the other end.

Still having continued edit wars with the morons at wikipedia. Most of you who have read this blog have found it via wikipedia, but that apparently still isn’t grounds for it being there. For a free encyclopaedia, there really are some major control freaks out there, and I hope they enjoy living their pathetic editing lives.

Needless to say, I didn’t go to work today, I phoned in sick, and I hope I make a miraculous recovery, but if not, then I won’t be back tomorrow.

Thank you once again for all your comments on the blog, and sorry today’s is short, I simply have 0 energy, typing is even a chore right now.

I’ll see you tomorrow.

Andy

Day 4ii

So, here is the final chapter of day 4, and it's good news. I’m still smoke free, I have spent most of the day feeling cold and flu-like, and it’s hard to know if this is from the giving up, or if I have just contracted flu, either way, it’s actually a good thing, despite aching all over with fever and sweats, the last thing on my mind is smoking, I have no urges to smoke, and I am extremely happy about this.
I spent all day in bed today, watching films and napping, it was nice to get a bit more sleep in.

One thing I have noticed, already, even though its only day 4, is an improvement in my Eyes, they always looked half shut, tired and bloodshot, but now they are looking larger, whiter and younger. This really excites me, as I kinda have a hunch about my appearance.

Lastly, I would like to thank all of you who have been reading this so far, thanks for popping in, and thank you all for your comments also, I will try to acknowledge most, those I feel relevant etc. But thanks for the messages of good will also.

Herbal Cigarette- no chance, If I smoked one, I would probably manage to tell me smoking those all the time is okay, or moving back on to cigarettes, I’d rather bury my head in the sand for an hour than tease myself with false placebos!
With regards to the comment re- Alan Carr's book etc. I have been there and done that, this didn’t work for me, so that was a failed attempt a few years ago.

About changing my personality, this really took me by surprise, I was confused by this, I appreciate what you are saying, however I don’t think I want to change my personality, I want to change me being a smoker, which has nothing to do with my personality as far as I am concerned, although to hear someone say it scared me a little, I don’t want to change who I am, just what I do, and with my success so far, I hope this will only continue. I could agree that smoking could change one's personality, therefore stopping will actually cause the change for you, and I do sort of hope it will lead to a happier me, I do often find myself in a depressed mood, but since stopping, already I have felt a little lifted.


And about the beer, I feared of replacing one addiction with another, however, it’s the only thing that helped me sleep, tonight, I will not be drinking, and will let you know how I cope!
So, I have told work I may not be attending tomorrow, I will see how I Feel in the morning. Thanks all for reading this. I appreciate your time, comments and effort as always.

One last thing, the gross part... The colour of my productive cough (phlegm) has gone from light green to very dark; again, this excites me, as weird as it may sound, as I know it’s all the shit from smoking saying goodbye!

See you on Day 5.

Andy

Day 4i

Okay, so today is day 4! Said with a sheer lack of excitement and enthusiasm, I still haven't smoked, and now I’m not really feeling like I want to at all. I do however, feel like total and utter crap, if I felt bad yesterday, then today I feel like total and utter shit. I did think I may blog twice today, once as I have just woken up and all this is fresh in my mind, and again later, to update on progress. Last night I struggled to feel tired, so didn’t go to bed, and had another couple of beers before bed, just as a sleeping aid really, this did help, but I’m beginning to worry I may fall into a pattern of drinking every night. I also have developed a rather bad toothache since yesterday afternoon, which is annoying. I’ve never really had toothache before, so this is all pretty new, and I don’t like it, and struggle to see how, but still wonder, if this is related to my quitting of the smokes.

I’m also trying to post links to this blog all over the show, for people to read, and enjoy, perhaps motivate some to stop, while simply just informing others. This actually really stressed me out, I posted a link in a smoking cessation page in wikipedia, and 2 hours later it was gone, one total dick head had removed it as spam, I quite simply just reposted it, and then now I have Texas' very own wikipedia control freak who keeps removing it, and I keep re-adding, seems pathetic that an old woman will sit there all day and moderate a free encyclopaedia, for no money, just the fact she is a sore loser and needs to get out more is probably the reasons. Still, I will continue the fight against her, but also if any of you do happen to read this then please pass on to others. Pretty sure it may help, or entertain, I just find it offensive that they just remove what could be a really good stop smoking diary and disregard it as shit, whereas I think it may help. Quite clearly the bitch has never smoked, nor given it up.

I also heard a song in the car yesterday, Was from the Tron legacy, and its by daft punk, called End credits, not only does it make me want to see the film, It also takes my mind off smoking and or stress, so this may be my stop smoking anthem. We shall see, I have downloaded it and listened to it a few times, it’s pretty cool.

I don’t really have any plans today, other than washing and ironing etc before my return to work tomorrow. which I am dreading, especially if I feel this ill, if I remain to feel this ill, I may well phone in sick, as work is bad enough, without feeling like this.

Il post again later, let’s hope day 4 remains smoke free too, I’m confident it will, I don’t want to smoke feeling like this. I want to feel better, and wish it wasn’t a long drawn out process of months and years before I feel the benefits.

Day 3

At last, I have caught up with myself now, so day 3, a new day to me, one I hadn’t experienced before, or for a very long time anyway.

I woke up this morning, feeling like absolute crap. The sore throat had progressed; I had a blocked nose, and was coughing heavily. I think I slept better last night, I did wake up early, but I’m pretty sure I slept through the night like I always do. So waking up feeling like this put me in an odd frame of mind. The sore throat made me not want to smoke, which I was happy about, but feeling like shit, I was not happy about. I had planned to see some friends today who I had not seen in what felt like an eternity, and what with one of them recently having a baby, I was excited by the thought of seeing him too, so once again, played on the PC until I had to get ready, (in fact, I ran over by half hour!) but then got showered, dressed and left. It was a 40 mile drive to where I was going, so I made sure I had my gum at the ready, although I had the radio on, some pretty good tunes played out, and I was happy.

Seeing my friends was great too, I totally forgot they all smoked, which I was shocked, when they all went outside for a smoke, I didn’t feel left out, didn’t crave, didn’t feel I was missing out or anything, and when I smelt them when they came back in, I thought it was pretty gross. (sorry if you ever read this guys.)

I was sort of happy I felt like that, I never thought I would, as I Have always LOVED the smell of fresh smoke, and sometimes when someone come back in after a smoke I always love the smell, but today, it didn’t bother me, which was good. When I left there, I went for food and to get fuel, sadly, I hit traffic, I used to always smoke in traffic, out of boredom, and I did find it a bit peculiar, that I had to tell myself it was no longer an option. Shame, I thought, worried the feeling would worsen, but it didn’t, after 40 minutes of traffic, I was fine. I then filled up (looked angrily at the twat that selfishly pushed in the queue at the pumps!) and went home. After being at home for a while, I then came up with the idea of looking, to see what experiences are to come, or what happens next, hence; the birth of this blog. Sadly, as I am typing this part, I can smell someone outside, smoking what smells like weed. Damn, even that smells good now, although, I am not craving it, which is nice, I am just enjoying the smell!

Well, I hope the rest of today goes okay, If any major events occur, I will blog, if not, Il see you all on the other side.. Day 4 - the last day off before returning to work!

Day 2

I forgot to say day 1 gave serious stomach problems, unsure why, but gas was terrible! This didn’t happen so much on day 2!

Well, where do I Start, I’m now onto day two, and again, this is from memory. Day two is where I was always failing, and other than convincing myself "Just one" was fine on all previous day twos, I’m not sure why I always failed there. Anyway, today I had planned to see a girl I Used to work with, she wanted to take me out as a belated birthday celebration, which was originally called off due to bastard snow.

So, I wake up, about 100 times or so it feels during the night. I can’t see how just not smoking for one day can have such an effect on my sleeping pattern! I really do remember waking up at what felt like hourly intervals, and then getting up much earlier than necessary as I was so pissed at my lack of ability to sleep.

So, once showered, and after a few hours of PC games, I realise it is time to go and meet the friend. Driving reminded me of smoking, so I stopped and bought some regular chewing gum (citrus flavour, if it matters) and chewed like Alex Ferguson on match day for the whole journey. when I got there, I was pleased to see said friend, who was worried I may be on edge not smoking, and we went and ate a chinese meal, which was lovely, calm tranquil and relaxing, perhaps a perfect situation to be in. So, after hours of catching up, we move on into a town, look round some shops, have some coffee, then off we go, I go home, as does she. throughout the day there were times when I really wanted to light up, just forget everything, and smoke, I managed to overcome this, and I ignored my own thoughts of "just one will be fine" I really think the day I had today helped me pull through. As said, normally day two imp fed up, pissed at everything and pretty down. Today, I came home, Happy, Smiling and just relaxed. And then evening kicked in. I began to really want a cigarette in the evening, despite all I did was play computer games and watch TV again. I also had a sore throat commence part way through the evening too, and I really nearly hopped in my car to buy some. To stop myself doing this, I raided the fridge and drank a few beers, which is pretty unlike me, but it helped knowing I was unable to now drive, so I then had to deal with it and just chill then go to bed, feeling a little bit rough, but not too bad. I knew at that point, I had done it, day two was over, I didn’t smoke, great, I felt good about it.

Day 1

Okay, you will have to excuse the fact the first 3 days are all posted on the same day. I only thought of doing this today, not only to help others, but to help me too. Not only will I be able to look back on this and track how well (or not) I am doing, it also is a great thing to keep me occupied!

So day 1, I never seemed to have much of a problem with day 1. There were a few times I felt the urge to smoke, but the night before I had put all of my last cigarettes in an empty (ish) beer can and shook it up, so I wouldn’t smoke them. I was not working today, and did find I had moments of boredom. I decided to go out shopping for the day, or afternoon, and buy myself something nice, and ended up in Portsmouth purchasing a new pair of Timberland boots. I did find the lack of crowds pleasing. I hate crowds, everyone always pisses me off somehow, and in hindsight, I was lucky it wasn’t busy that day. After the spree, I saw family for a while, one member who smokes, but when he came back inside after having a smoke, I felt fine, and it didn’t really bother me. I then went home, did the usual shit of playing PC games, and then watching TV, then went to bed. Day 1, Completed, and happy I managed it.

Introduction

Hey,
So, I’m Andy, and I’m attempting to give up smoking. I started a few days ago, and thought I would look up some information on like a "diary" Style. I found very little, so thought I would make my own, not only to mark my achievements in doing so, but also in case anyone else ever will go through the same, and want to see the sort of emotions and phases others go through.

As a bit of a Background, I was on 20 or so a day, moved to and from real smokes to roll ups, with no advantage. I had attempted 3 or four times in the last two months, and failed each time on Day 2, only the evening of day 2, after a stressful day at work sometimes. I’m 23 (just), and have been smoking since roughly about age 15.

I had tried nicotine patches, which made me want to smoke more, reading Allen Carr's book, and some hypnosis app on the iphone too, all of which were to no avail, so, on the 1st of Jan 2011, I opted for the willpower method, and the story begins here... Happy reading, I hope this answers peoples questions, if you wish to comment, please do so, I would love feedback!