Day 17

I found today flew by, but it still wasn’t easy.

 Today was extremely busy at work, and I found myself unable to stop except for a very brief lunch break. I was pretty stressed today, and found myself talking more about stopping smoking, and how I am doing etc. I’m not sure if that’s why I found today hard or not really, but it was hard. I’m now beginning to worry, my mindset seems to be slipping into a belief that I only have to keep this up for a length of time; however that length is undefined. I don’t feel like I need to go back to smoking, but at the same time I feel I could, so so easily. Ultimately, I’m hoping to very soon feel like I don’t fancy one, or want one, but at times these feelings now are getting worse than they are better.

After a meeting at work today I walked out the building with someone, and up the road, who lit up as we did so, The odd thing is, that didn’t bother me so much, I did enjoy the smell, but have always found the smell to be nicer than the taste, he did offer me one as he lit up, and it did feel moderately good saying "No thanks, I’ve stopped" but not "Amazing"

I seem to have mixed feelings about it all at different times throughout the day. I often look at people, and convince myself what an odd ritual it is, putting a round object in their mouths, only to suffocate yourself, and pay for the privilege of doing so. It’s easy to say it, and think it, but believing it is hard, at times I do, but I think at the moment it’s too early for me to look back and think "I can’t believe I ever did that".

I think I may also be feeling a little depressed today, unsure why but hopefully it shall pass.

I did manage to go for a run this evening, pretty short run, but I figure when that route gets too easy, Il move onto a larger one.

Hope all is well for all readers.

Andy